Peace That Surpasses All

Ask and you WILL receive.

 

 

I will praise YOU through the storm...it's what I did. 

My dad was taken to MD Anderson on Memorial Day this year.  I took Kendall over to my parents house so he could tell his Granddaddy goodbye and also take a picture with him.  Little did I know, he would never make it back to the place he called home.  We didn't know exactly what we were dealing with because he had a massive tumor on his spine as well but at the time, the neurosurgeon was more concerned with his lungs.  I got THE call a few days after my dad had arrived at MD from my dad, he was always so strong, telling me that he got the results back from his lung biopsy.  It was lung cancer.  Words I did not want to hear.

I struggled daily.  The thoughts that I would entertain gripped me with fear.  How would I go on without my dad?  I just couldn't.  I could not live without him in my life.  I couldn't fathom not being able to pick up the phone to call him at anytime.  It crushed me to the core.  Somehow I was able to get up each morning, put my big girl pants on, and work like my dad would want me to work.  Tears would fall uncontrollably throughout the day as I worked.  That's when Visine became my best friend.  I would wipe my tears before I entered each clinic, put on my mask so no one would know I was dying on the inside.  But I refused to go backwards.  I was not going to let this take me back to my life 8 years ago.  I was going to trust God.  I prayed and I read my Bible.  I listened to music about healing and spoke it over my dads body. I searched for His promises that reminded me of God's healing power.   

My oldest brother was able to be with my dad more than the rest of us and we would text nearly every minute of the day.  He would keep me updated as they did test and made decisions as to how they would treat the cancer.  The number one issue though was to relieve my dad from the excruciating pain he was living with. I begged God to heal my dad.  I begged HIM to take the pain away.  I did not like seeing my dad hurt.  He's a tough man and for him to yell out from pain, it had to have been severe.  My dad had been in pain my entire life.  Everything he did each day for us, he did in pain.  All I wanted was a day without my dad hurting.  I wanted him to be able to enjoy his grand kids once more, without pain. 

At some point during my dad's journey, I started praying for comfort, peace and wisdom.  I knew God would heal him one way or another.  The day before my dad passed, I decided to "talk" to him.  Though he wasn't able to communicate with me, I knew he heard me.  He hadn't moved the entire week and when I talked to him, my mom said he twitched.  I had to let him know I loved him and that we would be okay.

The night before my dad passed, I questioned if we were doing the right thing.  I had been texting with my oldest brother because we were both struggling. We wanted answers and weren't getting them.  I reminded him the night before my dad passed that the next day was the 22nd.  I asked God specifically that night for a sign.  I wanted to know without a shadow of doubt that God had His hand on my dad.  I didn't want to question our decisions at all.  That night I told my oldest brother that we would either witness a miracle (after my other brother's friends prayed for him) or that our dad would pass.

The next morning, I talked with my mom after she spoke with the doctors.  My dad still had a fever but other than that, everything was good. His vitals were good.  I decided to continue my day as planned but as I started out the door, I got a text from my brother asking what my plans were.  I knew at that time, my dad was no longer here.  My heart sank.  My oldest brother isn't the greatest at disguising something serious, AT ALL.  I walked into my brother Beck's house and saw my two brothers embracing one another.  I went limp.  I started shaking.  I cried like never before.  My dad was gone.  My rock.  The one who believed in me. My little boy's Granddaddy.  The best Granddaddy.  What on earth was I going to do?

Well, after the initial shock, I experienced IT.  PEACE that surpasses ALL understanding. My "sign" was the fact that medically, my dad was fine but he was ready.  My brother's friends had just prayed for my dad 20 minutes before he passed away.  Now, whether or not my dad knew it was the 22nd, I will never know but deep down, I think he knew. It was HIS number.  It was HIS day.  It was HIS time.

Later that day, my oldest brother's girlfriend, Kristen, and I were cleaning my mom and dad's room so my mother would have a nice clean home to come home to that night. Out of nowhere, we heard music.  Kristen began to dig under a pile of clothes.  She found a radio, unplugged, and from it the words echoed for us to hear "I will praise you in this storm...and I will lift my hands...for you are who you are...no matter where I am...and every tear I've cried...you hold in your hand... you've never left my side...and though my heart is torn...I'LL PRAISE YOU IN THE STORM"  Once again, tears welled up but this time it was JOY.  I knew my dad was with his Savior.  My dad was HEALED! He was PAIN FREE!  Though I grieved, and still do, I had complete peace.  I was able to get up the next day and attend church knowing my God heard my cry.  He heard the cries of my dad.  He was HOME. 

Whatever storm you are living in at this moment, praise HIM. He never leaves us.  Though the sorrows may last for a night, His joy comes in the morning!