Laugh Lines or Life Lines

Laugh Lines or Life Lines

Life has certainly taught me some valuable lessons over the past several years but I would say I have had a very good life. There were times I didn't think I would survive... literally.

Up until the year 2007, I would say any lines or wrinkles on my face were from laughter. Our family certainly had some trying times prior to the year 2007, but my faith was strong during those storms. I heard the words "Laurie, your mom has cancer" and the words from my oldest brother "We lost". I heard the words "Laurie, I have cancer" from my dad. I was able to watch my other brother battle alcohol addiction but would pray for hours and hours for his safety and deliverance.  My faith had roots. There wasn't anything you could tell me that would uproot me. If someone was sick, I was going to lay hands on them. Heck, I even think I would have prayed for them to rise up from the dead! My faith was great! 

But as I got older, I allowed "fear" to creep in.  I allowed the "unknown" to take root in my life. I was tired of being "strong" but did my best to keep that trait present in my life. To numb everything around me, I begin to drink until it consumed my life. Ironic how I prayed for my brother who battles alcohol addiction and then ended up in the same place. 

The life of partying ended when I found out I was pregnant with my little baby boy, Kendall Beck. He saved my life.  But not long after he was born, I had to witness things I would never wish upon anyone. Life was rough! 

You see, I knew my dad was sick.  I knew my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I knew my brother battled alcohol addiction. But what I didn't know was how sick my little boys daddy was. The unknown.  He was fighting a demon I had never witnessed and because my faith was weak... life hit me directly in the face.   I wish I could say it knocked me to my knees but instead it knocked me down.  To watch the person you love slowly kill themselves by their actions is gut wrenching. It will shatter your heart.  It will make you question things. The father of my little boy had an addiction that had been under control but it surfaced its ugly head once again and I witnessed it first hand... daily. Before I let him know I was aware of his addiction, I went with him everywhere, 24/7.  I watched someone I loved with all my heart become a stranger.  I would say that I about lost my sanity while learning about his lifestyle but someone, somewhere was praying me through.

The sleepless nights of not knowing whether he was dead or alive.  The unknown. Learning how to live again with a newborn. First time parent... In the middle of nowhere. During the first few years, we were also flooded out of our home for months. Our child also suffered a significant head/brain injury at just 17 months old... many other hospital stays.  The moments that I will never forget... I left in the house "that built me".

Leaving what I knew as "home" for good... Without a job... Without a home... And soon without a vehicle. I wish I could go into detail about the little things that would blow your mind. The little things that would soon be written all over my face... the "life" lines as I call them.

Life got worse before it got better... but then our world was turned upside down when my dad passed away. The rock of our family. My lifeline. So once again the sleepless nights and tears (buckets of tears) would surface.  But this time... My faith was strong.  God had restored me and placed my feet on solid ground! I live for my dad now... I do my best to keep him alive in all I do. 

I caught myself recently wanting to erase the lines around my eyes in pictures but God spoke to me and said NO. He told me that those lines have made me strong.  Those lines represent hope.  Those lines represent HIS mercy and grace.  Those lines represent LIFE. Those lines are my story! My life is certainly not the way I had planned it to be... but it is now my story and my song.

So when you see me... When you see pictures of me... And when you see the "lines" under and around my eyes... May it be a reminder to fight! Fight for your life. Fight for those you love.  Don't let your past define you but let it strengthen you! 

And may your life lines turn into laugh lines!