I had the best kept secret for 3 months until I shared it with someone. From that day forward, I kept it for 4 more emotional months. What should have been the best 7 (plus) months of my life were kept hidden.
That secret is now 7 years old. Why didn't I share with the world? Because it wasn't how I had planned on it taking place. I wasn't married. I didn't want to send my mom to the loony bin and I didn't want to stress my dad out any more than he already was with his prostate cancer. My brother was in ministry so the last thing he needed was finding out that his little sister was pregnant out of wedlock. The little sister he had protected for so long. Our family had endured enough for me to throw this on them. But why? Life was being brought forth. A life that would save mine.
Finally in December, after 7 months, my oldest brother came with me to sit down and share the news with my parents that they would soon have their first born grandson. There wasn't any anger but joy. So for 3 entire months - I got to somewhat enjoy what should have been the happiest moments of my life.
I was able to register with my wonderful sister in law because I was clueless. I had never been around small babies. I had no clue what to do or what to expect.
But for 7 months, I missed out on sharing the greatest news with the world. I heard his little heart beat - but wasn't able to share that with anyone. I felt him kick, but wasn't able to share that either. He would always get the hiccups - but couldn't share that either. My mindset is always to please others and in doing so - I missed out on the greatest little miracles ever. And I'm sure I was the highlight of some great juicy gossip but that is life. People will always talk. After I had Kendall, I had more than one phone call "telling me I was pregnant". Well... I wasn't. People will talk and I have learned that they will talk through the good and the bad.
But 7 years later -- if I had to do it all over again... I would tell the world!!! Was it as I had planned? No, but it was still life!! It was still a happy moment. There is nothing or no one in my life that I am ashamed about. Everything around me is MY story. God knew what I needed and He allowed certain things to happen.
So I will continue to share -- I will continue to be open with my past and I will not hold back! This time -- it's about God -- not anyone else!! For I am not shamed... This is my story... This is my song...
Romans 8:28 -- for those that truly know me -- you have seen this verse unfold -- daily!!
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