To The One

To the one I miss the most... 

There are days I smile because I know you are in a better place.  There are days I cry buckets of tears because I realize you are no longer here.  There are good days.   There are bad days.  There are days that seem unreal.  There are days that feel as if you left us yesterday.  Then there are days when it feels like an eternity since I've seen you.  But the days that seem to hurt the most are the ones leading up to Christmas.  Your little girl sure does miss you.

As I was shopping a few weeks ago, I saw a jolly old man.  He was excited.  He was joyful. He reminded me of my dad.  You see, my dad was a giver.  He loved to buy for his kids and grandkids.  It made him happy to buy gifts for us.  He would always ask his kids and grandkids to make a Christmas wish list.  But the best part, he knew our heart. He didn't need a list.   I loved that my daddy understood me.  He might not have always agreed with me but he knew my heart and what made me happy up until the last month he passed away.  He got me.  

One Christmas, he bought me the book, Redneck Woman, by Gretchen Wilson.  He was so proud of himself.  He knew his piano playing, pageant girl had a little redneck side to her.  One year, I think he bought me every monkey he saw because I got 20 one Christmas and he knew I always wanted a monkey.  

I miss him.  The void around Christmas hits me hard.  My little boy may not remember just how special his granddaddy made Christmas but I pray he remembers how special his mommy tried to make it.  My dad was always ready to ride around with us to look at Christmas lights.  He wanted his gifts wrapped and ready to bring a smile to someone's face.  He was always more giving at Christmas.  He would tip our cashier at Wal-mart.  He would tell everyone Merry Christmas as he walked around the mall humming a Christmas song.  

So to the one I miss the most -- please watch over us this Christmas and let us know that you are still here with us during the most wonderful yet difficult time of year.  And when you see a tear roll down my cheek, it's because a part of me left when you did BUT know that I will make sure my little boy experiences Christmas just like I did as a little girl. 

Merry Christmas everyone!