If you came to this post looking for my mugshot, you aren't going to find it. I'm sorry to disappoint anyone but I do not have a mug shot of myself. I should but I don't.
I have been ridiculed after sharing parts of my story. I have been shamed after posting a picture on social media of me when I was pregnant with my son. I was told I should be embarrassed. I have been slandered. I have been the topic of many conversations when I was not present. But I refuse to keep my story to myself. The truth to my story that not many know. I don't want to pretend to be this perfect human being because I am far from one. We all are far from being perfect.
I am going to share my story from a perspective many aren't able to see. My little boy's daddy is once again in jail. This is not to bad mouth him by any means but it's to enlighten you about my past.
How many of you have escaped consequences in your life? You always hear that you reap what you sow. Am I correct? It's Biblical. It's not karma as some like to call it. It's truth. Every decision you make in life will have a consequence whether good or bad. We may not reap the consequences then but we will at some point in life. Our kids could possibly, no they will, reap the consequences of our decisions. How scary is that? The good. The bad. The ugly. Decisions affect more than us.
Many years ago, I was headed straight to the grave. I wasn't slowing down. My decisions were not wise at all. I would make these decisions when I was alone. No one was around me to influence me whether to make the right or wrong decision. I made them all on my own. I often reflect back over the years and question why? Why did I not end up in jail the night I was pulled over with more than 20 reasons to arrest me? Why wasn't I ever involved in an accident that ended in a tragedy that could have killed myself, my son or another innocent person? How did I escape so many consequences in my life? It is by the grace of God and the grace of God alone I am here today. It is by His grace that my mug shot is not plastered all over the world wide web, It is by the grace of God I am not fighting addiction daily. It is by the grace of God that my son is here. It is by the grace of God that my life didn't end in the grave over 10 years ago. Not because of someone elses's decisions but because of mine. Yes, Laurie Payne made bad decisions. I'm sure many reading this could have been in the same situation as I was in. Perhaps you reaped the consequences immediately or maybe you escaped as I did.
So why? Why am I so quick to judge someone who made or makes the same decisions I did. Why am I so quick to judge? So quick to talk about them and trash them as if I am any better than they are? Why isn't my first instinct to have sympathy for them? Why? Because they are lost. They are living in darkness. They are fighting battles we know nothing about. I was fighting battles that no one knew about but yet I was never seen as the "bad guy." Well, to most I wasn't. People knew that wasn't "me."
I believe that we can free so many if we let our guard down. Be vulnerable. Be open. Be transparent and let others experience some of our mistakes. It could be your story that could free another from guilt. Free them from years of shame. We wear these masks far too often and it's time we take them off. Maybe I will continue to "embarrass" others as I share my story but that's just it...it's my story. We live and learn. We persevere. We march forward. But we must own our story. Use our brokenness for His glory. Let Him make beauty from ashes. Let Him get the glory because I certainly did nothing to deserve the life I have now. He picked me up from the lowest and darkest pit of my life. He called me His. He loved me. He forgave me. He restored me. He freed me. And by His grace, I am here today.
May we never forget all that He has done for us. May we never be ashamed of what He has done for us. How He redeemed us. How He set us free. I pray that we can be kinder than necessary. Even when we question why. May we always look behind the mask. It seems as if it's easier to judge another rather than sympathize with them. It's easier to talk about them than pray for them. Next time you see a "mug shot" of someone whether you know them or not. Look deeper than the picture. Remember they are a lost soul.
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