My 9 year old son does not share his feelings much but when he does...you can bet I am all ears. One day as we were driving home, he asked me what my worst fear was. I didn't hesitate for one second...I immediately responded with these words... "Something happening to me."
I don't know if that's what he was expecting. His imagination is wild so he was probably thinking that I would say being abducted by aliens or something like that but no. I have thought about this since the day he was born. My wild side has been placed on the back burner. No more riding down a narrow road going 200 mph on the back of a motorcycle. No more planning the day that I will jump from a plane - at least for now. I was fearless and indestructible. I don't know how my parents survived raising me because I wanted to do any and all death defying stunts. My dad always told me that I should have been a crop duster because I was a thrill seeker.
No more. I like to be a little more conservative...I still have my fearless ways but then I remember the little brown-eyed boy that depends on me for everything. Now, don't get me wrong...I know that anything can happen at anytime. I am learning to live a little more without fear of something happening to me. But just continue reading on...
Many of you reading this have a family. A husband or a wife. You have more than one child. That's not the case with us. I have my son, Kendall. And Kendall has me. He is my world and I am his. If you are ever around me, it won't take you long to figure that out. I am a mama bear. I keep my eyes on him at all times. I am THAT mom but you have to understand my world.
I got a small glimpse of my son's world when we were vacationing in Cancun. As I stated earlier, he doesn't open up much but when he does...it's definitely important but it's not always verbalized. His actions will speak.
We were on our way back to Cancun from an island one day. The sailboat that we were on offered a little adventure for everyone on the boat. A piece of fabric was attached to a swing that was secured to the boat. The person would sit on the swing and wait until the wind filled the fabric (tiny parachute) and took you up, up and away. Similar to parasailing but without the secure straps. Of course, the smaller you were, the higher you went. I wanted to go. I wanted to see the turquoise water from above and what was lurking beneath us. My son had a different plan for me. Mom would just sit and watch EVERYONE else do it. He literally sat on me and held me down and told me that I could not go. He was scared. You could see fear in his eyes. He wasn't being disrespectful but he was basically begging me not to do it. I wanted to know why but he wouldn't give me an answer. I asked if he was scared something would happen to me and he shook his little head yes. That's when I realized we shared the same fear. He did not want to lose his mom. His constant. The number one person in his little world. Tears filled my eyes because that's when reality hit me. I am his safe place.
I am his mom. He is my son. But we are each other's best friend. We are each other's world. He knows I will take care of him and protect him no matter what.
That day... by choosing not to participate in something I truly wanted to do... I told him that he mattered to me without saying a word. His feelings matter to me. His fears matter to me.
He is my world and I am his.
You may not understand why I do what I do... I may not understand why you do the things you do...our journeys are all different yet all the same.
As a mom, we want our kids to know that we care about them. The big things. The little things.
Imagine just how much you care about the heart of your child(ren). Now try to grasp just how much OUR FATHER cares about us.
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