Do You Ever Wonder?

One afternoon, my son and I went for a stroll around our neighborhood.  It had been raining for what felt like months.  I was beginning to wonder if God had changed His mind and decided to flood the Earth again.  But this particular evening, the sun was out and the wind was blowing...so a walking we went.

My son would stop to pick dandelions as I continued to walk because that's what I NEEDED to be doing.  He was having fun... I was attempting to shed my winter coat.  But, I would glance back every now and then... to see this enormous smile plastered across my son's face as he ran down the road with dandelions flying in the air.  His long hair.  His curls.  His smile.  Those dandelions.  The innocence as he ran up to me just made my mama heart smile.  We were enjoying God's creation.

We walked one mile together but I wanted to push myself to go further.  He decided to stay home while I continued another mile but before he went inside, he asked me one question.  "Mom, what do you think about when you walk?"

A few days later, it was another sunny and beautiful afternoon so we planned another walk.  This time I was going to walk one mile before I stopped by the house to grab him for another mile.  It seemed as if everyone was taking advantage of this beautiful evening.  The sun was out.  The temperature was perfect.  Even the birds seemed to be singing a little more.  

As I walked, alone, I had so many thoughts cross my mind.  I noticed one family sitting inside around their dinner table.  No technology, just enjoying each other. (Creeper...right?)  A few houses down, a man was fishing in his backyard still in his business suit.  It was just too pretty to be inside.  I passed another young lady walking, obviously taking advantage of the gorgeous day.  I saw lights through windows but no one moving around.  I saw another man pass by a window, walking from one room to another.  One family had their entire dinner table set up underneath their carport.  But as I passed one home, memories flooded my mind.  This house once belonged to a friend of mine.  I recalled so many nights in that house and began to wonder what memories each house I passed held.    

I finally made my way back to pick up my son.  We started on our little adventure... my exercise... his fun.  He was full of energy.  Excited.  I just wanted to bottle this all in because I don't get much time with him without distractions.  He proceeded to tell me about his grades, practicing guitar and finishing his homework.  He was so proud.  I made sure to let him know that I was proud of him.  When he took a breath, I decided to answer his question.  "Kendall, you want to know what I think about when I walk?"  

I went on to explain how I redecorate every single house.  I plant trees and bushes and whatever else comes to mind.  What can I say?  I am a dreamer.  Then I went a little deeper.  We passed the family that was sitting around their dinner table.  He noticed them as well.  They had two poodles and we all know that dogs make life better so they must be an amazing family. (Joking for those without animals)  As we passed the house that once belonged to my friend, I explained to him that I spent many nights making memories there.  I told him that I wonder what each house holds.  What secrets do the four walls contain?  Do bad things happen inside this home or that home?  Do good things happen inside these houses that we pass?  What memories were made or are being made?  What do those walls know?

After we talked for a minute, I asked him if his house held good memories?  Of course, he shook his head yes.  But as he did, I apologized.  I told him that I didn't always make life fun.  I wasn't always the best mom and sometimes I am just flat out awful.  I fail him daily but I want to change that.  I know I will never be perfect but I want this home to hold good memories.  If these walls could talk, I would want them to speak about laughter.  Tears of joy.  I would want them to talk about the love that fill this home.  The prayers that are lifted up each and every day.  Is that what these walls would share or would they share something completely different?

We continued our walk as we ended our deep talk he stopped and picked a handful of flowers.  He caught up with me and gave them to me with that big grin of his plastered on his face once again.  

It was in the moment, that I didn't feel like a complete failure.  I have to be doing something right, right?  Maybe, just maybe, the four walls that witness every move we make... would say great things about my son's childhood.  

Do you ever wonder?