I have a confession. It may come as a surprise to some but probably not many. I am not PERFECT. Whew, now that I got that off my chest I feel much better. And just in case someone else needs to read this... YOU are not perfect.
I am however, a people pleaser. At least to those that I love dearly. I will place their happiness above my own. I will keep every single emotion or feeling hidden in order to protect them.
I have lived in, what I will refer to as, a "Payneful Prison." A secretive life. I have worn a mask for most of my life in order to please those around me. Making sure that I don't disappoint them. Making sure that I make them proud. Making sure that I make a name for myself. Making sure that I bring glory to a name. Not HIS name but a name. There is a difference. I have walked on egg shells. I have cried myself to sleep many nights because it's HARD pretending to be someone you aren't. God has wired me completely different. Either love me as I am or move on.
I want to apologize and tell those that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not someone you can be proud of. I'm sorry that you can't brag on me. I'm sorry that I haven't lived up to the person you thought I would grow up to be. But if you want to know the truth, I'm not sorry.
I will live my life unashamed.
I have missed out on so much pretending to be something or someone I'm not.
I missed out on the greatest miracle of all in order to "protect" those around me.
My son wasn't delivered by a stork. Do people honestly believe that? My son has been the greatest blessing of my life. He brought me life. He gave me life.
I had a baby out of wedlock. I'm not the first to do so. It's not a secret and I won't keep it a secret.
I have not had what some would consider a "successful" life for the past fourteen years.
But I have fought like hell to survive. I have fought demons alone. I have fought those that say they love me. I have fought depression. Alone. But I have survived. I survived what would kill a lot of people or do them in. I am a strong woman. Don't ever doubt that. You can shun me. You can disown me. But I have a FATHER that loves me and adores me regardless of what you think of me.
And guess what? He loves and adores you.
It's no secret that I am raising a child alone.
A very close relative once told me...
"I couldn't have done it."
You could have if you weren't given a choice.
Life isn't a bed of roses. Life isn't fair. Life isn't cupcakes and rainbows.
Life is that... life.
Right now, I am unemployed. It's nothing to be ashamed about.
Many successful men and women have been unemployed. They've been fired. Their positions have been terminated. It's a season in life that many can relate to.
I had someone tell me the other day that we didn't have to tell people I was unemployed. Why not?
For those that define success by the amount of money in a bank account, let me remind you...
Very Wang - Fashion Industry at the age of 40
Samuel L. Jackson - Got his break at the age of 43
Sam Walton - Found the first Wal-mart at the age of 44
Henry Ford - Created the first Model T at the age of 45
Laura Ingalls Wilder - Published "Little House" at the age of 65
Harland Sanders - Franchised KFC at the age of 62
(Business Insider)
You get my point.
We are all created to be different individuals. How boring this world would be if we were all the same.
Just imagine what we would go without if no one ever failed in life.
Here I am at the age of 38.
a single mom
unemployed
son's father is in prison
I know people CRINGE when I say any of the above but it's my life. I won't walk around with my head down. I have to live it every single day so why should I pretend it's not the truth.
The truth sets us free.
The truth doesn't keep us living in a prison.
The truth breaks the chains of:
condemnation
shame
guilt
feeling as if you are a failure
addiction
unforgiveness
embarrassment
heartache
pain
depression
own it and get over it
Never let anyone make you feel less than because of your failures or mistakes.
live UNASHAMED
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