I Was Insane

The definition of insanity -- Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I don't know if I was expecting different results or if I expected life to get better... or what. But my actions became stronger and stronger as each day passed. Everything I did started out as fun... There was much laughter and I always had a smile on my face... with a Styrofoam cup in my hand. No matter what time of day it was. It became a joke to those around me. But inside I was slowly dying. That cup was a band aide that would "cover up" all the "bad" things that had been happening in my life and those I loved. I made myself a rock for so long that when life started falling apart... I wasn't strong enough to be the rock so I relied on something stronger.  Should have relied on THE ROCK but my "strength" was poured OVER rocks. It was in the form of a liquid that would slowly take over my life. It would numb the hurt that I had covered up for so long. My heart was hardened. It was cold and I was numb. 

But in September of 2007, I heard another heart beat from within me. It was life. In a doctors room -- all alone -- I heard the beating of my baby's heart! And I felt something my heart hadn't felt in a long time. In October of 2007, the father of my little boy and I found out that the heartbeat I had heard a month before... was coming from a little boy! We were elated! A baby boy was coming... and due on March 22nd! (Yes,I was excited about that date)

On March 25th (Kendall wanted his own day) of 2008... I saw a glimpse of God! Kendall Beck Ford made his appearance! The months leading up to this day were life changing... My heart changed... My world changed... And I now had purpose! This little (7 lbs 2 ounces) baby saved my life!!! I have watched Romans 8:28 unfold before my eyes each and everyday that has passed since March 25th of 2008! I thank God for allowing me to be a mother to the most precious life. I thank God for sparing my life and giving me another chance! You see ... I was "dead" to the world... I had no cares... And no worries... until I brought life into the world... and that life changed mine forever!! 

I hope and pray that the soul God chose me to watch over will know just how important his life was to his mommy who was living in a very dark place!! 

Happy happy birthday to my little Kendall Bug!! You are my world!!! You gave me life and you gave me purpose... Your mommy loves you to the moon and back... And back again!!