Reflecting on life without my dad
This post may Jump around a bit... But this past year was like no other. Ups and downs... Highs and lows... Laughter and tears...
My dad was a natural born writer. Very detailed in all of his writings. I could always imagine myself in his stories because he didn't leave anything out when he wrote. I can only imagine what his stories would be like if he could share with us a glimpse of his life the past year. What would he describe as he walked through the gates of Heaven? What is it like to walk with Jesus? What was it like to be reunited with his family? I guarantee you it would be his best book yet.
Life has a way of changing us... And this past year it has changed me from the inside out!
Habakkuk 2:2-4
2 Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3 This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
4 “Look at the proud!
They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked.
But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.
One of my dad's favorite verses.. He always told me to write my dreams down... I have dreams for my life ... For Kendall's and I'm sure my dad had dreams for his little girl... And for his first grandson. But my dreams are completely different than they were years ago... It's now my joy to say... His will ... His way. As Beck said at my dad's funeral... By bringing glory to God... We will honor our dad... Our name Payne! There is no greater way to remember my dad and all he did for us than by living out God's word.
Thank you Lord for allowing me to see through your eyes this past year...
Looking back, two weeks after my dad's funeral, my little boy and I went to the beach. It was our best vacation ever. There was peace and I honestly couldn't understand why or how I felt an overwhelming comfort. My dad had just passed two weeks prior... How was I still smiling and laughing? How could I drive us that far without falling apart? How could I tell people I just lost my dad without a waterfall pouring from my eyes? I was literally living out a Bible verse... Never have I seen one of God's promises revealed as I did during our time of loss. Never!
Philippians 4:7
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
It has been an emotional year. My little boys first year at Kiroli. My dad would have sat at the lunch table with his grandson any chance he could but he wasn't able to. He wasn't able to watch him play football at West Monroe High School. He wasn't able to hear about my first deer I killed? Christmas? My dad's favorite holiday... I couldn't wait for it to be over. New Year's Eve? Our family would spend New Year's Eve together... For as long as I can remember. But he wasn't here. And the void could be felt. Beck being named senior pastor of Family Church... Wow!!! What would my dad have said? How would he have reacted? Every month I anticipate the 22nd... I don't know if it would be different if it happened on another date... But 22... Will always remind me of my dad. It's been everywhere this past year at very significant places and moments... The Anchor still
Holds... Moments in life will never be the same without our dad... Granddad... Husband... Brother... Uncle... Friend... Never!
June 22, 2014 was actually the most emotional day I've had other than the obvious. One year! Wow how times flies... Wow... How many people forget. I've learned so much during this journey... So much! There have been days I wanted to just sit and do nothing... I wanted to have a pity party... But my dad would always remind me "don't quit" ... Don't give up... Fight... Live... Be happy... Life isn't fair... But life is good! I love my dad... I miss my dad more than ever... But I know... I know I know... I will see him again one day... And I will keep him alive by sharing stories about my dad until I leave this Earth.
When life knocks you down... Get up!!!! This poem was a favorite of my dad's...
This post may Jump around a bit... But this past year was like no other. Ups and downs... Highs and lows... Laughter and tears...
My dad was a natural born writer. Very detailed in all of his writings. I could always imagine myself in his stories because he didn't leave anything out when he wrote. I can only imagine what his stories would be like if he could share with us a glimpse of his life the past year. What would he describe as he walked through the gates of Heaven? What is it like to walk with Jesus? What was it like to be reunited with his family? I guarantee you it would be his best book yet.
Life has a way of changing us... And this past year it has changed me from the inside out!
Habakkuk 2:2-4
2 Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3 This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
4 “Look at the proud!
They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked.
But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.
One of my dad's favorite verses.. He always told me to write my dreams down... I have dreams for my life ... For Kendall's and I'm sure my dad had dreams for his little girl... And for his first grandson. But my dreams are completely different than they were years ago... It's now my joy to say... His will ... His way. As Beck said at my dad's funeral... By bringing glory to God... We will honor our dad... Our name Payne! There is no greater way to remember my dad and all he did for us than by living out God's word.
Thank you Lord for allowing me to see through your eyes this past year...
Looking back, two weeks after my dad's funeral, my little boy and I went to the beach. It was our best vacation ever. There was peace and I honestly couldn't understand why or how I felt an overwhelming comfort. My dad had just passed two weeks prior... How was I still smiling and laughing? How could I drive us that far without falling apart? How could I tell people I just lost my dad without a waterfall pouring from my eyes? I was literally living out a Bible verse... Never have I seen one of God's promises revealed as I did during our time of loss. Never!
Philippians 4:7
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
It has been an emotional year. My little boys first year at Kiroli. My dad would have sat at the lunch table with his grandson any chance he could but he wasn't able to. He wasn't able to watch him play football at West Monroe High School. He wasn't able to hear about my first deer I killed? Christmas? My dad's favorite holiday... I couldn't wait for it to be over. New Year's Eve? Our family would spend New Year's Eve together... For as long as I can remember. But he wasn't here. And the void could be felt. Beck being named senior pastor of Family Church... Wow!!! What would my dad have said? How would he have reacted? Every month I anticipate the 22nd... I don't know if it would be different if it happened on another date... But 22... Will always remind me of my dad. It's been everywhere this past year at very significant places and moments... The Anchor still
Holds... Moments in life will never be the same without our dad... Granddad... Husband... Brother... Uncle... Friend... Never!
June 22, 2014 was actually the most emotional day I've had other than the obvious. One year! Wow how times flies... Wow... How many people forget. I've learned so much during this journey... So much! There have been days I wanted to just sit and do nothing... I wanted to have a pity party... But my dad would always remind me "don't quit" ... Don't give up... Fight... Live... Be happy... Life isn't fair... But life is good! I love my dad... I miss my dad more than ever... But I know... I know I know... I will see him again one day... And I will keep him alive by sharing stories about my dad until I leave this Earth.
When life knocks you down... Get up!!!! This poem was a favorite of my dad's...
Don’t Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
- Author unknown
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