What is the greatest chapter in your book?
Mine would be March 25, 2008. The day that my heart was born. I saw God that day! I was given life that day and a soul to watch over and lead for the rest of my life. Kendall Beck Ford was born. My little red head, big brown-eyed boy! I can remember every single detail as if it all happened yesterday. I was out of it but I remember turning my head to the left and seeing my little boy. MY little boy. I was blown away that I brought a life into this world. A human being was living inside of me! Every now and then, I am still overwhelmed that I have a little boy. To hear him say my name is a feeling like no other. Almost 7 years later, it still brings emotions that I never knew I had. My favorite chapter! My life! My world! My miracle! He gave me a reason to fight and another reason to LIVE! God saved me nearly 7 years ago and taught me more through a child than I could have ever thought possible!
Are there pages where it hurts to look?
Absolutely!! Pages I wish I could sometimes forget. Pages where I watched the person I gave my heart to, walk around as if he were a walking dead man. Pain that I never knew one could feel. Indescribable feelings. Grief without actually losing someone. Heartache I never thought possible. Days I thought would destroy my soul.
Then there was the chapter that started on June 22, 2013. The day part of me died. My dad left from this Earth and went to his eternal destination in Heaven. Part of me left that day and part of me will grieve until I meet him again. That day still seems so unreal. There are days I will cry rivers of tears because I know it is reality. It is not a bad dream that I keep reliving. He never came back home and that is a chapter that hurts to "read".
There are other chapters that hurt to relive but nothing compares to those mentioned above. Those are chapters that I would have written completely different.
But those days... Those chapters are my story and I will never forget to keep reading them at times. Those chapters are to share, to bring hope to others who have journeyed with me. This is MY story! This is the book of Laurie Payne and without those chapters, I would not be the person I am today.
Those chapters broke me but broke me to the point where I could be restored and made whole again. Those chapters made me dig deep within myself to find where my true strength came from to get through those days. Those chapters made me realize exactly what money can't buy. Some of the happiest days of my life, I had nothing. I had my family and that is what brings happiness to my soul. Those chapters also taught me about life at an early age. I walked (or maybe crawled) through some very dark and scary days that most will never experience in a lifetime. I learned about love. I learned how quickly life passes us by and how important it is to use our time wisely. Most importantly... I learned how to live!
Never forget the chapters where it hurts to look... And remember that perhaps the greatest chapter has yet to come!
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