He Chose Me

(my shirt says Proud Mom and look at his big, brown eyes)

As I was sitting in my living room the other night, I glanced back in the kitchen.  I saw my little boy with one sock on and one sock off playing with our wild, fat cat.  He was giggling and having so much fun.  I just sat and watched as tears rolled down my face.  I wasn't sad but in awe.  His happiness despite his circumstances that he may not even be aware of.  His innocence at the age of 7, almost 8.  I just adore him and want to put him in a bubble to protect him from this evil world. 

Sometimes the role we have as a mother, or parent, is scary.  Every single decision we make will, in turn, affect them.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Every word spoken over them will creep into the depths of their souls.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Every physical touch such as a hug or kiss, or lack of, will be carried with them into future relationships.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I know this because I have carried such things with me.  If you have ever met me, you may quickly realize that I am the least affectionate person, ever and I have been told this numerous times.  But I have not passed this on to my little boy because I hug and kiss on him as often as he will allow.

There are times I will sit and stare at my little boy as if I'm watching a video of him 10 years from now already missing these times.  I will take a quick look at him and see him 6' tall and heading out the door to hangout with his teenage friends.  Insert more tears.  I realize my time with him is valuable.  Every moment matters because as time passes, these moments will be few and far between.  What am I doing with the most precious gift God blessed me with in life?

My son, Kendall Beck, knows that my favorite time of day is bedtime and morning time.  Yes, my child still sleeps with me but he won't forever so I enjoy it now.  You haters can get over it.  This is "our" time to be still and just talk.  We talk about anything and everything.  We talk about where we will meet each other in our dreams (so much fun) and we pray.  His prayers amaze me.  The people he prays for and the things he remembers to pray for, are simply amazing.  We talk about things that matter for eternity and we talk about things that just don't matter at all.  I get to hold him and snuggle with him.  This is when he feels protected and safe, in my arms.  He is most vulnerable at night so I make sure to make the most out of every minute before he closes his little eyes.  The nights I am so tired that it takes everything inside of me to stay awake because he has chosen to talk, I listen.  He has my undivided attention and he takes full advantage of it.  In the morings, I get to see the most precious little face with his hand pressed up against his little cheek pressing his lips out.  Once again, I stare.  As he sleeps with no worries, I realize just how blessed I am.  I don't want to get out of the bed because I want to hold him as long as I can. 

Have you ever thought about the MOMents you spend with your child(ren)?  I think about the memories Kendall will have when he is older and I think about the memories he may not have if I don't step up my game.  Yes, I beat myself up every day.  Children are a treasure.  I am amazed that God chose me.  He chose ME to be Kendall Beck Ford's mom.  What did I do to deserve such a precious gift?  How did he know Kendall was exactly what I would need?  His quick wit.  His love of sports and the outdoors.  His big brown eyes.  His ability to pick up on things so quickly.  His compassion.  His love for animals.  God specifially placed all these characteristics within my little boy and chose me to be his mom.  Wow! He chose me.  He chose you.  So when you are down and wanting to beat yourself up (which I do, a LOT), know that God chose you for a reason. He knew your stengths and weaknesses and still chose you.  When your kid(s) acts out, remember He chose you.  When your kid(s) shines and makes you proud, remember He chose you. 

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother's womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed and in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.

He chose me.  He chose you.  For such a time as this.