If you are a single mom, you can relate to this article. If you are not a single mom, maybe this can help you understand our journey a little more in depth. I asked several single moms what one thing they wish other people understood about being a single mom. This is a short list.
10 things a single mom would like you to know:
1. Behind our smile is a very tired, exhausted, hurt, confused, emotional, worn, broken but tough, strong, focused, determined individual. There is so much that our smiles hide. We fight through the hard. We weather the storms. We may seem that we have it together but struggle to get through the days. There are evenings that we cry ourselves to sleep wondering if anything we are doing matters or if we are making a complete mess of our child's lives.
2. We need a break. We won't ask. We won't blow up your phone or social media telling you how tired we are or how much we need to escape reality. Some single moms have their children 24/7, 365 days a year. But yet those that get a "break" every other weekend or every other week miss their kids immensely. Their heart breaks when they have to say goodbye for a week or the weekend. We won't complain because it is the best and most rewarding "job" ever but as as any mom will tell you, it can be exhausting. We didn't choose this life. Most single moms work and don't get any sort of break. Maybe work is their break. Please don't make us ask or beg. Don't leave us out when you plan a "girls' night out" just because we are single. We are no different than you - just do the job of two.
3. It's tougher than it looks whether you have one child or ten. Everything rest on your shoulders. Don't compare us to your life because you can't and don't understand. Everything we do is for our kids. The sleepless nights. The long days. The working one, two or three jobs. We carry their burdens. We carry their heartache. Not all single moms have the dad present in their child's life so we become the mom and the dad. The good and the bad. We discipline and we love. We get told, "You are the best." and we get told, "I hate you." We question everything that we do. We have no choice but to keep going because there is no one else to rely on if we even wanted to rest. We try to make their world as normal as possible and don't want them to go without just because they are being raised by a single mom.
4. For those with sons, we want and need men to step up. Men who know that our kids are fatherless. We ask that you take time to do boy things with them. Take them fishing. Take them hunting. Take them to a ball game or a movie. Show them how to be a man. Teach them how to treat their moms. Once again, we won't ask you. We need you to ask us if you could spend some time with our sons. It doesn't have to be for hours. But it's needed.
5. Some (not all) single moms are the sole provider. Not all single moms get child support. Some don't ask for it. I know I would rather time from my child's father than money any day of the week. Time can't be bought. Also, not all single moms depend on government assistance. And just because our kids have grandparents, doesn't mean they offer to help. We all wear different shoes but yet still connected to the fact, we are single moms.
6. We learn a lot. We can mechanic. We can mow. We can do carpentry work. We can lift heavy objects that we probably shouldn't be able to lift. But we'd rather someone who knows a lot more than us, to help us. Look around. Who could you help? Could you trim someone's tree limbs? Mow a yard? Repair some things around a single moms house? I'm pretty sure there are needs everywhere. Just ask.
7. We hear it all the time, "I don't know how you do it." Well, we don't have an option. We have kids to feed. Kids to bathe. Kids to get to school. Kids to take to the doctor. Kids that require our time. Kids that need us and depend on us. Kids to take to church. Kids to teach morals to and character to. Kids that look up to us as a role model and the head of our family.
8. When we get sick, we can't stop. We can't rest. We can't skip meals. We can't sleep in. We don't have husbands to take care of us. We are the caretaker, in any and all situations. Even when it comes to us.
9. When we go through trials, we don't have a spouse to lean on or discuss things with. We can't sit down and talk about life's problems with our children. We don't have anyone to discuss decisions with because our children still deserve to be kids. We don't want anymore added to their circumstances. We want to protect them. We can't tell them just how hard it is to raise kids alone. We can't explain to them the financial difficulties that we face. Stress from work. Family feuds. We deal with it. We bury it. We hold it in. We carry it around. We simply just smile.
10. Fear can overwhelm us at times. If something were to happen to a single mom, that has no father present, who will take care of their child? Who will carry them to church? Who will kiss their bobo's? Who will pray with them and teach them about important things in life? We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders every single minute of the day.
Our kids are our lives. Our world. There are so many obstacles we overcome. So many battles we face but we do so with a smile. Don't think that just because you see a big smile that our world is great. More than likely that smile is hiding pain you will never understand. Heartache that can physically hurt. Nights with no sleep. Stress. Fear. Smiles hide a lot.
We fight for our kids. We fight for them emotionally, physically and spiritually. We believe in them. And we won't let anything stop us from giving them all that they deserve.
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