I can't remember the weather the day that so many thoughts crossed my mind about a decision that could change my life forever. The thought of being a single mom. The thought of having a small home and one bathroom. Losing sleep. Having to share everything. Allowing someone in my home for 24 hours a day. Seven days a week. Letting my guard down and sharing my life with another human being. A human that could understand my life isn't pretty. It's actually pretty messy when you begin to pry into the broken cracks. What would they think of me? Would I begin to learn that I'm not the person I thought I was or tried to portray myself to be? As all those thoughts entered my mind, I asked myself, "What's the worst that could happen?" It wouldn't be permanently. It was only temporary. Not forever. I can handle this. "God, please open the door if this is your will for me."
Seven months ago, God opened that door. I sat on my living room couch as I watched my 8 year old stare out of the window. Waiting patiently for this stranger to enter our home. A stranger that would live with us. Someone we knew nothing about. I had MANY other thoughts cross my mind as well. What if they were undercover? What is they were a bad person? Someone in another country will know where I live. They will watch us and then come and attack us while we are sleeping. CRAZY? Not in this day and age. What was I thinking? Did I really think this through or did I jump the gun? It was only seven months, what's the worst that could happen?
Fast forward seven months. The worst that could happen? I could let my guard down knowing I could feel heartache all over again. I could let another human being into my life only to see them leave, again. I could give more of my heart away that is very fragile to begin with. My son could become attached and then have to say goodbye. We could become a family only to be broken yet again. We could love someone else that couldn't even speak our language only to be hurt regardless if we ever understood each other. We could make memories that would last a lifetime but only seven months in reality. We could share holidays together but only for a short time. We could go on trips together and we could experience life on a grander scale then go right back to our family of two. We could learn about another culture we knew nothing about and then miss it more and more. We could "pretend" that all was right in our world for awhile. Our home would have more laughter and our table would be a little fuller but only for a little while. The worst that could happen... saying goodbye.
I wasn't prepared for the worst. I was prepared for temporary. I was prepared for this young girl to come into our lives for seven months so that we could show her our culture. Our little world. I wasn't prepared for her to change our lives the way that she did. I wasn't prepared in any way, shape or form to tell her goodbye. But reality...it was only seven months.
What's the worst that could happen...goodbye.
My sweet Daniela, you have forever changed my life and my heart. THANK YOU for being you. I would do it all over again knowing that I would have my heart ripped out seven months later.
We love you BIG!!!
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