The above picture was taken when my son, Kendall, was only four years old. I remember this day like it was yesterday because I had to bribe him to sing in front of hundreds of people. My son has come out of his shell a lot since that day but back then, he was very shy. He didn't want to be seen. He wanted to hide behind his mommy.
I put so much pressure on my son at the age of four. He was already playing t-ball and flag football. I was the crazy mom in the stands yelling at my child to throw the ball when he just wanted to hold it because he had no clue what to do. I was the mom running up and down the sidelines yelling at my son to snag a flag or RUN. I expected him to be the best...not do his best. I placed unrealistic expectations on my son and set him up for failure.
I am learning, and I hope not too late, that I expect my child to be perfect. I give him no grace or room for failure. He is to put his shoes up every single time he walks in the door but yet I sometimes forget and find my shoes by the coffee table. But that's okay, right? I am adult. I don't have to do those things. Do as I say and not as I do? WRONG.
Twice this week I have had to go to the school to take something to my son. One day he forgot his lunch. You may say, well let him learn not to forget. But have you ever forgotten something at your house and had to call a friend or maybe a spouse to run home and grab it for you? The day he forgot his lunch, I turned around to quickly grab it so I could run it back to the school. I did just that, pulled into the school parking lot only to find that I had forgotten his lunch, too. How dare I get upset with my son for forgetting his lunch when I could easily do the same. We are FAR from perfect. We were once little too. Were we expected to be perfect? Were we expected to never forget anything?
The irony of all this, my son shows me more grace. If I get upset at him, I will ask him to forgive me. He is quick to tell me, "It's okay." I explain to him that it's not okay. It's not okay for mom to snap. I understand that I will not be perfect either but I can't place these expectations on my child that I can't even live up to.
He knows when I am disappointed and it hurts my heart. Our kids are going to fail at times. Our kids are going to forget things. Our kids may bring home a bad grade or two...or three or four. They may mess up. They are going to do so many things that we once did as a child. Teach them but don't set them up for failure. You (we) aren't going to be perfect so why do we expect them to be perfect.
Maybe I am the only one here that's hard on their child and expects perfection. I know that my dad was harder on my oldest brother and he apologized over and over for it. I don't want to be that parent. I don't want to set my child up for failure.
Let's remember none of us are perfect. Let's remind our kids that they aren't perfect but neither are we. Let's lower the expectations a little so that they can experience victory and not defeat every day.
Celebrate them. The little things. The big things. Let them know most of all that they are loved.
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