You are Fat

I've been called a lot of things in life.  Short.  Fun sized.  Petite.  Tiny.  Little bit.  A PAYNE.  But there are some words that have never been used to describe me.  Fat. Chubby.  Well, someone did give me that nickname because I LOVE to eat.  Big boned.  Thick.  I don't say that to brag but I am trying to paint a picture here.  For those that have heard those words, I truly apologize.

Proverbs 15:23 "Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right things at the right time."

How many of you know this to be true?  But how many know that you can also say the wrong thing at the wrong time?

As I was going about my day, stressing about certain things.  Questioning how I'm going to get from here to there.  Worrying about bills and the holidays coming up.  Blaming myself because my son's cat didn't come back this morning.  Frantically trying to get my numbers up for work. Doing all of this with a killer headache.  I get a text message that simply read, "What size clothes are you wearing now?"  Now, don't think this person was about to purchase some clothes for me.  I knew why this text was sent but I replied with a one word questions, "Why?"  Grab a hold of your seat...swallow your drink so that you don't spit it out...are you ready?

"Because I was hoping you weren't a size three!!!"  

Yes, that was this person's response.  Not at all what I needed as the day started to wind down.  But it didn't stop there...there were more words... "Well, watch your weight."

I typically let words roll off my back.  I have very thick skin...(maybe why I'm not a size 0)  Especially when I know the source the words came from. But today, it was the icing on the cake.  Except this wasn't good icing.  Today, those words were like a knife to my heart.

You know what I read?  I saw the words.  You are fat.  You aren't pretty.  You are single because you aren't as small as you once were.  I mean that's what they were implying, right?

Several years ago, I was smaller than a size zero.  It wasn't intentional.  It wasn't because I was sick.  There were days I had to decide who was going to eat.  Me or my son.  Well, that isn't a tough one so what did I do?  I went without.  I'm sure my nails needed a nice manicure and I'm pretty sure my toes could have used a pedicure too.  My roots were (still are) dark.  But sometimes you have to go without in order to provide for those who depend on you.  I wasn't "trying" to be skinny.

If you are reading this, I challenge you to watch your words.  This world doesn't need any more hatred or negativity.  I understand that hurt people...hurt people.  But when you should love those closest to you...please, PLEASE don't throw words around carelessly.  

You can be a size 0...You can be on the cover of Vogue magazine... but your heart can be full of darkness.  Beauty comes from within.  It doesn't matter your size.  Your hair color.  Your skin color.  Your social status.

I may not be the size I was ten years ago but I thank God I'm not the person I was ten years ago.  I lacked with truly matter.  Love.  Grace.  Compassion.  Patience.  I thank God that HE gives me eyes to see as he sees.  Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder...

So, I may not be a size 2 or 3... honestly, I have no idea what size I am.  I have no clue how much I weigh.  I may have a little extra "fluff" but that doesn't concern me at this point in life.  I have a son to raise and I do so alone.  I pray my heart shines far more than anything outwardly.

So, here's to you ladies... who are a size 0...those who are a size ten...I choose to look beyond size and choose to see the heart.  I pray others will too.

I AM a child of God.